Melbourne Restaurant Reviews: The Very Very Hungry Caterpillar

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Footscray Best Kebab House (Guest post by Martypants)

93 Nicholson St
Footscray VIC 3011
+61 3 9689 0777

Ladies and greasy spoons,

It seems like that time of year again where your revered author is off busy again with exams, work and footy training so she has me writing fodder-entry for all you devoted stalker/fans, blogger-reader-people-persons, caterpillar-ites in her absence.

So as any caterpillar regular would be aware, the last few months has seen this food rookie join Libby for some meals at some schmancy-pants, “hatted” restaurants and, most recently, events such as the disappointingly underwhelming Taste of Melbourne festival. Amidst these exciting and tantalising new dining experiences, as waistline horizon-expanding as they have been, my mind couldn’t help but wander back to my favourite old local haunts when it came to good old fashioned, no-nonsense, tasty-as-hell and satisfying comfort food. Gimmicky food stalls overcrowded with overweight and nerdy food wankers snapping away on their DSLR cameras whilst munching on overpriced, measly hors d’oeuvre-sized sample dishes at the Royal Exhibition Building based more on marketing-purposes rather than genuine food passion – is that a true representation of what would be a “Taste of Melbourne”?!

I don’t think so!

And so takes us back to, in my humble opinion, the true taste of Melbourne, the cultural hub and lifeblood of all things cheap and nasty. Where else but the 3-0-1-1? FOOTSCRAY! An understandably feared and detested place for tourists and ignorant Victorians alike, a perfect visual representation of urban decay in Melbourne’s ugly inner-west filled with junkies, fobs, crazies and Bulldogs supporters. To most, it’s a hole (which is true) but to me, it’s also 5km² of pure downmarket foodie heaven. A passion, I’m proud to say, Libby also shares.

That, and KEBABS!!!

And that will segue into what I’ll be covering in this post which is the, once again, already covered Footscray Best Kebab House, our favourite-by-a-whisker of the 3 main kebaberies (Amasya and Happy Kebab) on Nicholson St. Unfortunately, though, I won’t be covering any stupid red shoes like Libby did in her prior review of Footscray Best Kebab House (having said that I am totally digging these Vans 106 Vulcanized sneakers in Radar Green hehe). Anyway, we wasted no time in training it to Footscray that Saturday morning, with my appetite particularly ferocious since I’d quit smoking. No room for fancy-pants dining here!

We promptly ordered our small-sized ‘meal of the day’ plates ($13) generously slapped with tender melt-in-mouth lamb, salad and choice of two dips (me: cacık/carrot dip; Libby: a double serving of hummous) I insist on ordering a large sized plate but Libby, who doesn’t eat as much since she got all ‘Oh-la-la look at me I’m so hot and fit now,’ advised me not to, claiming that a small would be enough (since I don’t fit into my skinny jeans so good anymore). Hmmph! Once I finished shovelling that food into my mouth like a hyena on crack, Libby began to show signs of fatigue. What’s a gentleman to do? Help her out, of course! Okay, fine, I crabbed her meat and hummous (I wish I didn’t order the carrot!)…

But I wasn’t done yet. Next up we had a lahmacun, a pizza-like flatbread dish literally meaning “meat with dough” topped with tasty mince and tomato based sauce garnished with flat leaf parsley and a squeeze of lemon, a true Turkish lunchtime favourite since the Ottoman Empire, probably. Whilst Libby slowly ate and enjoyed a few deliciously thin slices of Lahmacun, we both knew that huge plate sitting there wasn’t going to finish itself, and so the challenge was on…

So after about 10 minutes of stuffing my face like a Takeru Kobayashi incarnate, I manage to clear the plate, washing it down with big mouthfuls of ice-cold coke from the can. Libby was a combination of shocked and impressed. And I seriously considered for one brief moment a career as a competitive eater.

15 minutes later, after allowing the food to settle in my digestive tract, we left the little shop feeling quite satisfied, not mention full as f–k. Our visit had cemented my opinion on comfort food and how nothing can really match it; that is, food to be celebrated like so many cultures do around the globe.  Maybe I’ll never be a true epicurean like so many ‘foodies’ aspire to be. But at the end of the day, who cares, right? Whether it’s a fancy risotto and truffle dish or a cheese and tuna toastie, if it tastes good and hits the spot that nothing else can, then that is what it is all about.

And there you have it, I hope you have enjoyed a little taste of, what is mine and Libby’s, Melbourne. Back to Queensland for me, now.

So, yeah, coolstorybrah.

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8 Comments on Footscray Best Kebab House (Guest post by Martypants)

  1. DL
    September 27, 2011 at 22:52 (3 years ago)

    “The moment an immigrant family moves into your neighbourhood, the food just got a whole lot better…”

    - AB

    Reply
    • libishski
      September 28, 2011 at 00:06 (3 years ago)

      Yeah, we need more immigrants in Donny East I reckon!

      Reply
  2. Hannah
    September 28, 2011 at 11:18 (3 years ago)

    Heck yeah! Particularly for those of us who would never be allowed entry into the Taste of Melbourne on account of not owning a dSLR. They shake you down for that, right?

    Reply
  3. retep eel
    September 28, 2011 at 15:23 (3 years ago)

    nothing beats a good kebab on a drunken Friday night…

    Reply
  4. Martypants.
    September 29, 2011 at 11:04 (3 years ago)

    The really good kebab places aren’t open late at night! :(

    Reply
    • considerthesauce
      February 16, 2012 at 17:12 (2 years ago)

      Martypants, I tend to agree – we love FBKB with a good deal of passion, but do wish it was open at night. Mind you, nowhere else in the mall is, so it’s probably not viable.

      Reply

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