Piyada Thai

72 Aberdeen Road
Macleod VIC 3085
+61 3 9457 7116

So tell me, guys, what was your last meal for 2010? A full-on banquet at one of Melbourne’s leading restaurants overlooking the Yarra? Fish and chips on the beach? A glass of protein shake after a three-hour workout at your local Fitness First in a desperate attempt to starve away those nasty kilograms that had somehow manifested themselves into your body during December? Whatever it was, I bet it can’t be worse than the meal I had at Piyada Thai, the newest Thai restaurant in the Macleod-Rosanna area. I’ll cut the bullsht now – it was horrible.

Although the restaurant was only a five-minute walk from Mark’s house, the trek felt like a while given that it was still a smothering 40 degrees and given that the back streets of Macleod aren’t exactly smooth and flat. Finally, we arrived at the newest kid on the block and were greeted with a cool blast of air from the air conditioner. It was love at first sight. Unfortunately, just like that hot-after-six-beers chick you met at CQ, everything that was good about her on the outside could not mask the nastiness that was lurking inside. Like Touche Eclat, the Grimace-shade purple paint did little to mask the tired walls. The linen tablecloths, like a sequined-dress and layers of foundation on a cashed-up bogan, gave diners the false impression of sophistication. As for the food? Oh, don’t get my started on the food…

Take Adam’s beef massaman curry, for example ($15.90). A succcessful massaman curry would be one that is rich and creamy whilst retaining its smoothness … and there was none of this. Rather, it was very one dimensional and placid.

Moreover, Adam had specifically requested his curry to be “extra hot” so what did they do? They simply chucked some chopped chilli into it. I dunno about you, but I would have thought that they’d do something with the sauce to make it extra hot whether it’d be to ground some chilli seeds or maybe some sambal into it and mix it all up or something. But nope, they thought that chucking some chillies without bothering to mix it all up will do the trick.

If you thought Adam’s curry was bad, you should have seen my prawn pad thai ($17.90). There’s something not quite right with this photo, folks, can you tell me what it is? (besides my crappy photography, that is)

They put cauliflower in it. CAULIFLOWER! Who the fck puts cauliflower in a PAD THAI? And lettuce! But seriously, CAULIFLOWER? I knew something was not quite right when I could smell something bad emancipating from the plate that the waitress was carrying not even five metres away from the table. But as soon as she plonked it in front of me, I just had to laugh. Cauliflower. That was not yet ‘off’ but about on the verge of being so. And the prawns! It was obvious that they were not fresh ones. You could tell that not only were they those cheapie ones that are imported from South-East Asia by their botox-like artificially-induced plumpness but also by the fact that they just tasted like… water. Horrible stuff. Finally, the whole thing was held together by a feeble lemon-y and greasy sauce. That’s right, folks, no fish sauce was used. The. Worst. Pad. Thai. In. History.

I never got around to trying Tim and Mark’s dishes, but I didn’t think I needed to. Tim ordered a chicken massaman curry that was pretty much the same as Adam’s but with chicken and not beef, and Mark ordered a duck curry. Both of them were more forgiving than Adam and I, but I attributed their not-as-negative review to the fact that none of them are foodies like we are. I mean, we’re talking about guys who think that TGI Friday is “up-market dining”, FFS.

Were there any good points about Pidaya? Okay, so the service wasn’t too bad. While none of the waitresses gave us so much as a smile (then again, working on NYE really does suck), they were nevertheless pretty efficient. And I guess the complimentary chocolates on top of the bill was a nice gesture but still, that does not make up for the fact that their food sucked. Going to Piyada is like picking up a semi-attractive Thai hooker on a Pattaya beach and then discovering that she is, in fact, a man. Do yourself a favour and don’t bother coming here.

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